My 10 year high school reunion came and went during the month of September. I didn’t go. I didn’t even feel the need to go. In fact, I would say that no one really needs to go to a high school reunion anymore. “How dare she?!” you say? Yes, how dare I.
It’s not that I hate everyone from high school. It’s just that I think Facebook has cancelled the need for anyone to attend their reunion.
I think, in the past, that the only reason people attended their reunions is because they are nosy. They want to know what people look like 10 years later, what they have accomplished, where they’re living, who they’re married to, and if they have kids. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being nosy; I’m the queen of being nosy!)
Facebook has taken care of knowing all that. I probably know way more about my high school classmates now than I did when we were in high school together and saw them every day. I could tell you all about them, even what they had for dinner on some days. In fact, I wish I could unknow some of the things I’ve seen about them on Facebook. Cold shiver.
One of my co-workers just went to her 10 year reunion a few weeks ago. She said hardly anyone talked to each other. In fact, she went up to talk to a table of people and they said, “Where do you work? Are you married? Do you have any kids?” She answered, and they said, ” Ok, great. See you in 10 more years!” Wow!
So yea, it’s people like me who caused there to only be 30 people at our reunion. Maybe I shouldn’t be so jaded, and I should want to spend actual time with my high school classmates. I’m sorry. But I’ll just look at the pictures of it that you posted on Facebook.
Here’s a nice, blurry high school photo of me for your enjoyment
Tonight I feel the need to diverge from my normal talk of travel and teaching in order to talk about a current issue.
Social media is awash with chicken. On Facebook, on Twitter, on blogs. Chicken. I am tired of chicken. All day long I saw pictures of the lines at Chik-Fil-A or people arguing about the issue on Facebook.
It may be sad but true that I hear a great deal of my news for the day on Facebook or other social media sites. For example, when Abe Lincoln died, the first place I heard it was on Facebook. Or was that Whitney Houston? Uh, anyway…Today no one was talking about anything else. How was I supposed to find out about the issues happening in the world?! (The news broadcast on television? A news website? Ssh!)
Luckily, I did hear about this gem:
On a recent trip to Jamaica, the hip hop super star Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion. As if Snoop D-O-double-G wasn’t strange enough already! He will no longer rap about guns and drugs but will instead make reggae albums that his “children and grandparents can listen to”. This all happens only a month after
Snoop Dogg Snoop Lion was caught trying to bring a small stash of marijuana into Norway and is now barred from entering the country for two years. The new and improved Rastafarian Snoop feels a connection with the deceased Bob Marley and even claims to be his reincarnation. I know I’ll be waiting eagerly to hear this new album. Why isn’t anyone talking about this piece of news? You. Are. Welcome.
Even though I don’t think Snoop Lion will drop it like it’s hot much anymore, I want to leave you with this video.
They constantly say things like “I’m so sad right now. “or “I can’t believe that just happened.” , but they never actually say why they’re so sad or what just happened. Are they trying to be mysterious or just annoying? If you’re gonna bring something up, you’ve got to actually tell us about it!
Sometimes when I log into Facebook, I can’t figure out who anyone is, because they all have profile pictures of their children. I’m just like, who’s that again? Oh. Oh yeah. Ok. And every status update is about the kid- Baby Joey just made a mess in his diaper. Cindy just ate chicken nuggets for lunch. Or baby so-and-so is grumpy today. Maybe I’ll understand this more when I’m a parent. But probably not.
Do you have a friend that tells you every single thing they do during the day? They wake up and their status says “Well, going to take a shower, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, and then go to work.” Exciting huh? One hour later- “Work is lame today. I’m going running after work, then I’m going to cook dinner and watch a movie.” Save the status updates for something a bit more exciting or I’ll hide you. No, that’s not a threat. It’s a promise.
This Facebook friend is really good at being cliché. “The sun WILL come out tomorrow.” and “Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.” Or how about the ever-popular “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”? I am obsessed with quotes, but a cliché one every day? No thanks.
Video dude is your friend that posts 15 videos a day. I mean, I like music videos, and I like to share new artists with my friends, so I’ll put a new one up every 2 or 3 weeks. But this facebook friend puts up several new videos every day. Does he know that people don’t actually watch these videos? He must, because every once in a while he’ll say, “If you never watch any of the videos I post, you HAVE to watch this one!” Nope. Still not gonna watch it!
Hopefully you didn’t read this blog post and get offended because you realized that you are one of the top 5 most annoying Facebook users. Now’s your chance to change! You can stop doing poopy diaper updates and stop posting videos of Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio because it was your favorite music video in 7th grade. It’s never too late to change!