Today I received the most epic e-mail since the interwebs have been created. I mean good. I mean I have reached the zenith, the culmination of my teaching career with this e-mail.
I teach at a small university. I ask my students to e-mail me when they miss, so I know that they didn’t just blow off my class and also so they can see what assignments they missed. Today, I received an e-mail from a quiet student, who I’m not sure I’ve heard say ten words since the semester started in late August. He wrote this very formal, professional e-mail. As an English teacher, I appreciate a student taking the time to do that. He apologized for missing class and went on to tell me why he missed the class:
“The reason I missed class was because I had diarrhea.”
Wait! He just told me he missed class because he had diarrhea?!
Did this just happen? Did I really just laugh so loudly alone in my office? Can I look him in the face on Wednesday without crying with laughter?
He went on…
“I’m sorry I couldn’t word that to make it less awkward.”
Uh, yes you could have. You could have said:
-I’m having stomach problems.
– I’m experiencing digestion issues.
-My intestines are hurting.
– I have a tummy ache.
Can we work on synonyms in our next class? At least he spelled it right, I suppose.
Well, I’m not going to work tomorrow, because I have diarrhea. Or just because I can’t deal with freshmen.